I know that you are suffering alone with complicated problems. But no matter how hard it is, please do not commit suicide. You are a necessary person in this world. Firstly, please read the words written here. I hope that your heart will be healed even a little.
From the teachings of Master Ryuho Okawa, we have selected prescriptions for the mind that you need now.
Be patient for another 10 or 20 years and take some distance
When parent-child conflicts are likely to arise, one option for the child is to "see the parent as a being who will eventually fade away. If the child thinks, "I will be patient for another 10 or 20 years," and take some distance from the parent, he or she can listen to the parent to a certain extent. However, if they think that their parents will live with them forever, they cannot help but feel frustrated and start fighting.
You were born with the goal of becoming a better person than your parents
When we are born, we choose the parents with whom we are born. It is hard to say whether they are the ideal parents for you now or not.
However, we are born with at least some determination of who our parents are.
If your parents do not seem wonderful to you, then you must have been born with the goal of becoming a better person than they are.
If your parents are honorable people, you must have been born with a vow to live this life with them as your role model.
From "The Age of Religious Choice" by Ryuho Okawa
How to live in a way that doesn't drag on negative childhood experiences
Increasing numbers of children are growing up while suffering from these worries, beginning with child abuse at home. When these children grow up, they carry these worries into adulthood unhealed, and this is why people from difficult childhood households have difficulty raising their own children in a healthy way.
Children going through this kind of childhood should think the opposite of what I mentioned earlier. During childhood, if you saw that your parents were terrible, there is only one decision to make in the end: resolve that you will not turn into your parents. Say to yourself, “I'm not going to be the same as my parents when I become an adult.” If you keep thinking inside your heart, “I will be the opposite of them,” you will steadily manifest it because this is the way things go in this world.
Because many people in the world recreate their childhood experiences in adulthood, if you've had many bad experiences during childhood, it is important that you do not carry them for the rest of your life. Instead, strive as much as possible to become the opposite of the kind of person your parents were. If, as a child, you saw adults suffering from the many wrongs and flaws inside themselves, promise yourself that you will not grow up like them. Children who observed various things and grew up recognizing the wrongs in the adults around them in this way are likely to become successful as adults by thinking to themselves, “I won't grow up that way,” and practicing the opposite of those wrong actions.
When you grow up, you can start a family separate from your parents
Childhood may be hard, but eventually you will grow up. When you become an adult, it is possible for you to start another family on your own.
If you do not like your own family, you can create a completely different family, thinking, "I will not be like my parents."
Thus, the question is, "Can't you endure it for a few more years?"
A newspaper once carried an article about a girl who committed suicide because of family problems.
According to the article, the girl's family was a family in which the mother had remarried taking her daughter with her.
Generally speaking, it is very disadvantageous to remarry with children, but men have a not-so beautiful side, and there are quite a few men who think, "Even with children, I don't want a stepson, but a stepdaughter would be fine."
For men, it is annoying to have her sons brought to him. Even if they are small at first, they will eventually grow up and become a battle between men. Just the thought of a middle-school or high-school age son running amok in the house is repulsive, so many men think, "I don't want a stepson, but I'd be happy with just one little daughter."
So the mother says, "I am grateful that he said he would welcome my daughter. He is a kind man," and she marries him, but eventually her daughter grows up. Even though they are father and daughter, the stepfather and daughter are not blood related.
Therefore, as the daughter grows older and her body becomes more mature, the father-in-law may feel like he is surrounded with a young mistress.
According to the newspaper article, "the father-in-law raped his 15-year-old daughter. The daughter became pregnant, and when her pregnancy reached the point where she could legally have an abortion, the father finally confessed this fact to the mother.
The father then left the house, but when he began to roam around the neighborhood of the house like a stalker, he was charged and arrested by the police for rape. However, the father pleaded not guilty, saying that his daughter had asked him about it.
Eventually, the daughter jumped to her death at the age of seventeen.
It is an unfortunate and sad case, but such things are, to some extent, foreseen before marriage. It is better to know in advance that "such things often happen in remarriages with children."
Many domestic problems are kept from leaking out, but sometimes they do leak out a little bit. I think there is probably a lot more going on under the surface.
From “The Laws of Life” by Ryuho Okawa
Your life is watched over by numerous angels
You are not the only one who knows about your life. Remember that your life is watched over by numerous angels.
They are always watching the lives of each and every one of you on earth from the heavenly realm. When you are sad, they are sad, and when you are happy, they are happy.
In this way, we would like you to remember at all times that there are beings who walk with you and live with you. Sometimes the angels walk the path carrying you on their backs.
You may believe only in what you can see and not in what you cannot see. But I want you to know how much love is hidden in what you cannot see.
How much your loneliness will be soothed when you know that your invisible neighbors are watching over you day and night, and shedding tears with you when you are sad.