Over 20 years ago, I returned to my hometown in Okinawa after a divorce caused by my husband's infidelity. The pain of feeling "abandoned" left me in a hollow existence, where I couldn't even remember if I had eaten that day. I carried a constant weight in my body, and daily headaches haunted me.
Furthermore, I started hearing eerie whispers, "Die," in my ears. I had occasionally seen "spirits" since high school, but this time was different; it felt like I was constantly tormented and controlled by something beyond my control.
I went to the hospital, laden with anxiety, but the test results showed no abnormalities. After much deliberation, I sought help from a traditional Okinawan Yuta faith practitioner who performed "Ututu" (a form of exorcism).
While the exorcism provided temporary relief, I would quickly return to a state of torment that felt like I was on the brink of madness. I desperately searched for a solution, but with no other options, I continued relying on the exorcism for some time.
Yearning for Understanding
As the interference from these spirits worsened, my sense of loneliness deepened, and I yearned for someone to understand my plight. One day, driven to desperation, I sought refuge in a flower shop run by a close cousin I had been close to since childhood.
"I hear the voices of spirits. You believe me, right?"
Unexpectedly, a customer in the shop suggested, "There's someone named S who practices Happy Science; maybe you should talk to them." S lived nearby and was a former classmate of mine, so I decided to visit and poured out the pain that had been festering inside me.
In the warm embrace of S and his spouse, who listened attentively, my heart began to find solace once more. At that moment, I sincerely wished to become like this couple. Shortly after, I joined Happy Science and embarked on a path of faith.
Losing Control of Myself
As I began to learn the teachings, I encountered the law of same waveslengths attraction" (the idea that individuals with similar emotional states attract each other). I realized that the presence of evil spirits was a reflection of my own troubled heart, which was a shock.
I resolved to diligently study and reflect every day to sever my connection with the dark emotions that attracted these spirits. However, whenever I opened a Happy Science book, an intense drowsiness would overcome me. Despite this, after finally reading "The Laws of the Sun," I felt something profound within its wonderful teachings.
Despite my strong desire to study further, I would fall asleep as soon as I tried to listen to a lecture on a CD. I couldn't even muster the strength to attend a live broadcast of Master Okawa's lecture due to the heaviness that enveloped me. Frustration and bitter tears filled my days as I wondered why I couldn't control myself.
Seeking My Mother's Love
Determined to rebuild myself, I delved into Master Okawa's books. In one passage from "The Laws of the Sun," I was struck: "The essence of love is in giving." I realized I had been longing for love and decided to examine my own heart. In doing so, I confronted the conflict with my mother.
Since childhood, I had felt unloved by my mother. Amongst my four siblings, she was always gentle to the others, but she would pour out her complaints and frustrations to me, as if I were a "dumpster."
Moreover, I was constantly compared to my highly accomplished older brother and told, "You're a failure." Unbeknownst to me, I had internalized the belief that I was a worthless child, which made me increasingly submissive.
To mask this inferiority complex, I developed a tendency to assert my superiority by expressing my opinions before others. In my desperate need for validation, I imposed my thoughts on my ex-husband as well.
Liberated through Gratitude for My Mother
I came to realize that the root cause of the spirit possession was the love I took from my mother due to my feelings of inferiority. To resolve this conflict with my mother, I participated in a "Reflection and Gratitude Towards Parents" seminar at the Main Temple of Happy Science.
During the seminar, I found plenty of reasons to be grateful to my father, whose personality resembled mine. However, when it came to my mother, only feelings of resentment welled up. After the seminar, I decided to make an effort to identify my mother's positive qualities and write them down.
Gradually, I began to see my mother as the woman who had raised four children single-handedly after separating from my father due to his infidelity. She had worked tirelessly to support us and faced many hardships. Despite my constant criticism of her for starting a snack bar, she endured in silence.
Moreover, she managed the family's finances so that I could graduate from high school despite our difficult circumstances. It was then that I realized my mother's complaints were an expression of trust in me as the one who would take care of the family. I discovered that I had been loved all along. Overwhelmed by this realization, tears streamed down my face, and I felt my heart fill with gratitude. In an instant, the weight in my body and the headaches disappeared as if they were a lie.
A Fresh Start
Though the possession was not immediately completely gone, I engaged in a six-month-long battle with myself. Whenever I found myself becoming pessimistic, my body would grow heavy, and the headaches would return. However, through reading Master Okawa's book and self-reflection, I gradually found lightness in my heart and warmth. Occasionally, I would experience a sensation of the spirits leaving with a snap, only to be reminded that they had been attached to me.
Nonetheless, I persevered, studying the truths of Happy Science and continuing to pray diligently. During this period, I came across the phrase "Family Utopia" in Master Okawa's books. Despite a failed marriage, I earnestly desired to build a harmonious home where I could shine light upon many others.
Subsequently, I met a man who shared the same faith and remarried. Today, I enjoy a happy family life, exchanging smiles and words of "good morning" and "thank you" with my husband and children whenever we meet. I believe that encountering this faith made me truly strong.
This transformation occurred because I came to believe in myself as a child of God and dedicated my life to the happiness of others who are also children of God. A heart filled with gratitude is the path to recovery from possession by evil spirits. With this lesson in my heart, I hope to convey the importance of seeking the right path of the heart to many others.