When relationships go wrong, it is very hard and painful, as if you are denied your existence. And both at work and in your personal life, your mind is disturbed and nothing goes right. Why don't you rescue your mind out of such a troubled world for a moment and touch the words of truth?
From the teachings of Master Ryuho Okawa, we have selected prescriptions for the mind to improve your relationships at work.
Sometimes you just have to give up and say, "Well, it's just bad luck for now"
When you realize, "I'm the type of person this person doesn't like," you have to give up and believe, "I'm unlucky right now. Someday, I'll meet someone else who's a good match." And there is a way of thinking like, "If I have a bad reputation, then you can keep bad-mouthing me to my boss so that he will change the person in charge of me. Eventually, there will be a transfer or reassignment."
I think that the most difficult thing to suffer from is the dilemma in relationships and problems over people's evaluations, but in reality, most of them are beyond your control.
All you can do is change the way you think.
It is all about, "How will I think? How will you respond? What kind of mindset will you adopt?"
You cannot make others change the evaluation they make of you as you wish. However, you can choose "how you think about yourself and how you behave." This is what I want you to focus on.
If others make fun of you, insult you, tease you, or belittle you, you should think to yourself, "As you like. It is your freedom."
That person may be using his/her freedom as a child of Buddha or a child of God in a bad way. Or that person may look causing you pain at the moment, but in fact, he/she may be angry at you to train you.
In fact, it can be both cases. They may really hate you and be angry with you, or they may want to lead you on, or both.
People's evaluations are one result, so it is about changing what you can change through your own efforts. It is about changing the way you think and changing your attitude toward others. The best thing to do is to make an effort to change yourself first.
From "Ultra-absolute Health Method" by Ryuho Okawa
See the good in your boss
In fact, people who do not succeed at work rarely respect their superiors. No doubt, your supervisors and superiors have human imperfections, shortcomings, and weaknesses. You’ll find many things about them that you find questionable.
However, there are other aspects of them in which the opposite is true. They were assigned to that position because someone in an even higher position in your company considers them to be competent in their job.
Therefore, if you think that the person above you is totally lacking in ability, and that as a person, he or she is full of faults and shortcomings, then you must assume that you will never be a success in your company, society, or organization.
If you make a list of your superior’s good and bad points, unless you find that the good points far outweigh the bad, it would be best to conclude that your success in that company is unlikely, to say the least.
Whereas one must respect one’s superiors, if you hope to succeed you also need to love those in positions below you.
So what does it mean to ’love one’s subordinates’? First, it means helping them improve their strengths and warn them of their weaknesses.
You may only come into contact with subordinates by chance, but it is your responsibility as someone in a higher position to ensure that they become individuals who are worthy of praise and capable of working well, and who will continue to do well when they go on to higher positions.
Then, what you need to be most careful of is not to become jealous of their abilities.
Some people tend to become envious when someone gifted comes to work under them. They will do all they can to obstruct the subordinate in their work, and criticize everything he or she does.
These feelings will obviously prevent the subordinate from achieving success. At the same time, the advancement of people who give such evaluations of others will also be hindered by the way they behave.
People who achieve real success all share a tendency to love other's ability. They love people who have abilities that they do not possess.
They love people with wonderful facets to their character and have the willingness to help these people continue to grow.
Loving people in positions below you is about embracing their uniqueness and helping them to further expand their individual character.
This implies that you should be proud of having someone working under you who is much more talented than you are. You should strive for such a higher state of mind. Only when you have achieved this attitude will you be able to get ahead.
Even people with whom you feel no chemistry have their good qualities
There are times when you come across people who do not acknowledge your hard work or those you simply do not get along with.
But try not to think everything about such people is bad. Take time to identify and analyze exactly what it is about them you do not like.
Even if you find things in them that you disagree with and can’t seem to accept, if you find and think about their good qualities, they will sense your feelings.
People will realize that you are not rejecting them completely, and that while you do not like certain things about them, they have traits you think well of.
Then these people will start to try and change themselves.
They will learn what not to say when talking to you, and the positive traits will begin to emerge. Your fair evaluation of these people is, without you realizing it, stimulating positive change in them.
By identifying the good traits in people, it is possible to bring about change in them.
However, the moment you decide that you hate someone and reject him or her, that person has no refuge. This is why you should not reject anyone completely.
From “Coffee Break” by Ryuho Okawa
It is important to have the determination to "make sure that any boss will rise to the occasion.
No matter what kind of person you work under, if you make every effort to see that he gets promoted, you will find that you too will certainly experience advancement.
This is a natural consequence. The best way to do a good job is to gather a good team to work under you. Once you have succeeded in doing this, the performance of your section will improve without any effort on your part, and you will win promotion.
So, you must realize that your superiors are struggling to gather talented people.
In order to get into the fast lane as an office worker, you should perform your job to the best of your ability, with a determination to ensure that your boss receives a promotion, regardless of who you may be allocated to work under. No matter what department you are sent to, make sure that your boss becomes successful. Put aside any personal likes or dislikes, and make every effort to support and push your boss forward.
When you are doing this, it is important that you do not try to take the credit for the things you have done, and that you do not go around saying, “I did that.” If you do, your ambition will, in turn, be thwarted by others.
Do the job yourself, but do not take the credit. The basic principle for subordinates is that they do the job to the very best of their ability, and give the credit to their boss. This kind of attitude is essential. People who are able to do this are guaranteed to achieve success.
Those who feel that their superiors do not appreciate them probably have a strong desire to take all the credit for the work they do. These types of people need to be determined that they will not take the credit for their work. Then they will certainly find a path opening before them.
If you feel that this refers to you and you are unable to get along with those around you, then you need to thoroughly reflect on yourself. This kind of self-reflection is the only way out for you. You have to ask yourself why it is that you find personal relationships so difficult.
Is there something unnatural about you as a person, the way you think, or your character? Does the problem lie in the way you behave? What is the difference between you and people who are good at getting along with others? These are the things you need to reflect upon.
If possible, practice this kind of reflection for about thirty minutes every day, bringing your mind back to your earliest youth and moving forward up to the present, dividing your life into sections and checking each one in an effort to find the root of your problem.
Start with the period from your birth until the age of three or four, then to five or six. After that, look at your life during the first years of elementary school, then your later years, carrying on in this way through junior high, senior high and university until you reach the present day.
If you do this, you will be able to discover the reasons you have the personality you do now.
You may realize that you were very selfish as a child and that tendency has continued to this day.
Perhaps you were an only child and as a result were unable to learn how to build up relationships with others, or having been brought up in the country, you are unable to adapt to the rhythms of city life. You may even realize that your personality is not suited to your chosen career.
It is essential to look back over your life thoroughly and think deeply about it. In the process, you are certain to find some points that require reflection. By doing so, you will at least be able to correct yourself, regardless of whether or not you can get ahead in your career. At the very least, it is possible for you to become a much better person.
Your childhood frustration can appear in another shape
Then, when you are out in the real world, your childhood frustration can take on another shape. The fulfillment you originally sought from your parents now shifts to seeking it from your superiors and those above you. They could be the manager above you at work, the executives, or the CEO; you crave the recognition from them that you originally sought from your parents. But since you've only changed the person from whom you are seeking approval, it usually results in the same outcome. You will get the same results from your superiors as you did from your parents; you won't get the fulfillment you seek.
This is something that should not surprise you. Because your workplace has multiple employees, your superiors are supervising anywhere from several to tens to hundreds or even many more people. Whether they're a section manager, a division manager, or the CEO, they're supporting the livelihoods of many people. Like parents with many children who wish to treat them all fairly and avoid appearing to like or dislike some more than others, your superiors at work are also careful to avoid weakening everyone's morale.
For this reason, your wish for their exclusive favor won't be fulfilled nine times out of ten. It usually doesn't happen that way. A superior would rarely favor one particular person and raise his or her position. It could occur once in a while, but it's prone to lead to jealousy and badmouthing from the surrounding people, which would result in a setback. Usually, one person getting highly recognized leads to others speaking ill of this person and criticizing behind his or her back. This can become so difficult to endure that you might end up feeling like you'd be much better off not getting your superior's recognition. As a result, you will have to abandon your wish to be recognized by your superior in your parents' place, and you'll feel even more frustrated.
Change your mindset from, "I just cannot stand this one thing"
This is why it's important to stop asking others to give you 100 percent, and instead, draw your attention to what they are accomplishing well.
By a mystery, when you make this shift, the world will start to change around you. Stop the mental pattern of seeking from others, wanting to gain something from others, wanting to receive from others, and wanting to be given things by others to be happy, and instead begin to discover what you've been given already. Or, for example, stop looking at the wrong aspects in other people and instead look at their good sides. When you do, this change in your recognition of them and your way of thinking about them will become a way of giving something to them from within yourself.
In this world, there are wives who make an effort to give 90 percent but are criticized for the 10 percent they don't fulfill. There are also wives who tell their husbands, “You're a great person. I just can't stand this habit of yours.”
The wife may say, “You are a really great guy, but I just don't like all the hair wax you put in your hair.” “I wish you'd shave your beard.” “The way your eye is slanted upwards at the end bothers me a lot.” “You snore sometimes.” “You grind your teeth at night.” There are various cases like these.
If you are saying to others, “I just can't stand this one thing,” this is saying that you want to be unhappy. In other words, people who say this about others actually want a reason to be unhappy. If you are like them, you are trying to find something to blame your unhappiness on.
If you want to be happy instead, you have to recognize other people's good sides. Be very grateful for what they give you, and decide to stop craving things from other people.
Tell yourself that now it's time to stop thinking this way; now it's time to look at what others have been giving you. And from now on, think about being on the side of giving and repaying instead of taking and receiving.